Anger is an emotional reaction when someone feels he is in danger, threatened or hard done by somebody. It should not be identified with aggression since it is a feeling, while aggression is a behavior. Aggressive behaviors may occur if a person responds instinctively, gains satisfaction out of hurting others or is suffering from a medical condition and it is one of its symptoms. Moreover, anger may be suppressed, which usually results in high levels of stress.
The aim of anger management is to learn how to express this feeling efficiently, so as not to end in aggressive or passive aggressive behaviors. There are some tips to help people who wish to control it.
Manage your stress
High levels of stress may lead up to anger or aggression. To avoid it, one should change the conditions in his life that cause anguish. Such a condition could be his job or his romantic relationship. Time management may also help so as to put his obligations on a scale and save time for relaxation or pleasant activities. Adequate sleep and healthy nutrition are quite helpful, as well as emotional support. Except from organising his everyday programme one should try to alter the dysfunctional thoughts that may result in stress. These could be negative assumptions, over-generalization of traumatic events or oversight of positive points.
Understand other people
Understanding is about the ability to listen to others carefully, without being judgemental. It means to try to interprete their words according to their point of view, not to the personal one.
Respond, not react
If a person reacts instinctively to an external stimulus he may be aggressive or offensive. He doesn’t have control of his action and he usually regrets it. Self-awareness and self-control, as well as a boost to self-esteem may help in being capable of thinking carefully and responding, instead of reacting.
Stop self-blame
People with low self-esteem tend to blame themselves for their failures or problems. They judge themselves strictly and unfairly, which may lead to anger due to their supposed inability.
Communicate directly
It is about being assertive. Assertiveness is the ability to express one’s sentiments and needs directly, without offending others. It also means to avoid dropping hints or resorting to shifts. Some of the basic principles of direct communication are respect to the interlocutor, peacefulness, justice and positive disposition.
Set realistic expectations
Anger is highly associated with unrealistic expectations of oneself. It is common to people who are obsessed with high standards. In this case, there may be a dissonance between one’s desires and reality, which ends in frustration.
Forgive, not forget
Traumatic events may make people suffer, experience anger and be let-down. To release these feelings one should accept or forgive people and occassions that hurt him. At the same time, he may recognise his mistakes and try to set clear bounds to others in the future.
Retreat
When a person is in a mighty temper it is better to retreat and take some time to think better of the circumstances that irritated him. At the same time he needs to promise to himself to resolve the disagreement later on.
Chrysi Miliordou - Chrysi Miliordou is a psychologist, holding a Master's Degree. She is a member of the accredited body of psychologists in Britain.
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